I’m trying to get a hold of life

There’s a lot going on with me now. Too many things on my platter and it’s hard to get it off the dish. Its sooooooo overwhelming. Then there is that evil thing called study. I am just so stressed lately there’s constant need of revision, and note taking, and reading, analysing, so many doubts and then tests where I’m given targets to achieve and I just don’t feel right when I don’t achieve them. It’s like I fail to reach my goals, my expectations. There are so many people having expectations from me.
And then there’s me. Always falling short by a margin. Always being a disappointment.
I’ve given up wholly on social life. I’ve just stopped interacting with my friends by a large amount, the only reason I sometimes contact them is to ask my doubts or ask for submission dates for my assignments and projects. It’s like I have this big rock on my back and it’s weighing me down. Then there are some days I have reached rock bottom. I can no longer find the determination. I just want to be lazy.
It’s funny how stress changes us. I can very confidently say I’m not the person I was about a year ago. And I miss that girl. Oh yes I do.

I was

Funny

Active

Joyous

Full of enthusiasm and ideas

And full of energy

And now I am

Always angry

Cranky

Stubborn

Lazy to do everything

And sick at the thought of my text books

 
But what I have realized reaching rock bottom is that there’s only one way I can go.

And that’s , the top.

Because I have reached my depth and now it’s time to reach the peak, to conquer it and scream from on top of it that I did it !

And you bet I will. People around me are being very supportive and encouraging and I couldn’t be more grateful. I just need to push away all the distraction and all the things I like doing so that I can hold stress by the throat and choke it by my success.
So I won’t be around here too much. I’ll post when I can. What I do want to say is that I enjoy being here and it’s just such a lovely feeling that I want to be here all the time, and that’s exactly what I can’t do.
I need to get my plate empty first to fill it with things I want. I’m trying to get a hold of life that is so drastically changing and it’s just speeding away in front of my eyes and I can’t just grab all those fast forwarding moments and turn them into memories. It’s like they’re telling me to gear up and accelerate.

You see, it’s a challenge. A difficult one.
This is getting a tad sad so here’s a fantastic thought my brain popped up while I was studying physics yesterday night at around 1:15 a.m
Physics should get cancer

And 

Cancer should get physics

So that 

One will die of a disease 

And 

The other of tension 

{duh you call that fantastic}

I wait for such a day……
So here’s to life, twice happy and twice sad.
Mic drop
Ash