2018 – an ex lover ( a poem)

i met you in a coffee shop  

at the beginning of January

there was something about you

that made me question my sanity

you told me you could take me places

i wouldn’t imagine of going

so i held your hand,

and we took off.

there was something reckless about you

something oddly challenging

so i took you up like a puzzle

only to realize later that you were a time grenade

with sharp edges

like a broken glass doll

but i didn’t realize what you were

until there were shards poking my skin

you kicked me out

onto forbidden territory

and when i cried out of fear

you walked away into a crimson sunset

pretending to be a 80’s cowboy villain

it was too late before you realized

that i had stopped crying

my mouth was no longer drinking tears that you spilt

it had become a gun

and before you could turn around

to realize that i was now stronger because of you

we were back at the coffee shop where we first met

and YOU were crying

begging

telling me that you love me

asking me to not leave you

i thanked you

and told you that I loved you

but i loved me more

and so i stood up and left.

mic drop


ash

---

{commentary from the one who writes~}

so this poem basically sums up 2018 for me in a nutshell. 2018 was one of those years which I will always look back on and remember when I’m older. This year for me was particularly harsh and challenging. It threw me out of my comfort zone and made me do accomplish things i was initially afraid of trying.

the whole year felt like a rollercoaster. it threw me and tossed me to unfamiliar edges and dragged me down before I could even take a breath. there were so many downfalls, so many valleys in this year that I almost never got a chance to climb my mountains. there were times that made me feel extremely horrible about myself but after a while i began to find a source to love myself and this small source slowly materialised into a self sufficient dose that made me feel comfortable and content in my own skin and that was when I finally could take a breath and let me tell you, it felt amazing to breathe, after sinking for what felt like an eternity.

I wanted to write something different for a year end post so I personified 2018 into an ex lover who brought out the best in me whilst making me a self loathing person that had no respect for herself. but gradually I began to learn and grow from all the mistakes I made till I could have a stand for myself and didn’t need anyone to love me because I was so full of self love and began to wear my scars like medals.


2018 was a year that taught me to be stronger and more confident in myself. It was a year that made me self sufficient. It gave me answers. 2019 is the year to make the most of things I now know and go looking for more questions.


a very happy new year to everyone. i hope 2019  brings out the best in you and you find the things you were always looking for :)))