My usual days are mostly me lying in bed after my lectures of the day are over pretending I’m lying on a cloud. The days got colder all of a sudden when I was expecting the summer to settle in. I’ve been running out of coffee faster than usual because I’ve started to believe that sleeping is a waste of time. I have these dark circles under my eyes that my friend said I would look incomplete without because they are what make me and that is the first attempt at a love letter that my dark circles got apart from the usual disappointed stare they get from me every morning when I look in the mirror. Someone asked me once why I had dark circles (as if they were a pet I had adopted) and I told them there were things on my mind that kept me awake at night and she asked me if it was my demons and I said no (why do people always associate all your negative aspects with your demons? sometimes it’s your irrevocable habit of overthinking every small thing).
I’ve started observing things more closely lately. People in my bus, variations of the sky, dogs running in empty alleys behind mice and somehow it makes me feel like I’ve figured out the world a little more. Everything emits this inaudible frequency that you don’t notice unless you’re really looking and making an attempt to understand and like an exercise now I subtly notice people around me (in a very non creepy way) and it shows me more of them but in shades I wouldn’t know if I wasn’t trying.
I’ve distanced myself from a few people because they were latching on to me in ways that were harmful for me, and I didn’t even notice it at first till I felt their weight draining me. You should let go of people that bare the characteristics of parasites because trust me you don’t deserve to be host to something that is feeding off you. I feel lighter without them and I’ve built my walls stronger now.
My exams begin exactly in two weeks and I usually wouldn’t be writing blog posts during exam season but I want to make it a point to write at least one blog post a week because it keeps me sane. I just mind explode the words and it helps me drain out everything that is bothering me. If you’ve kept up with my blog you’d know that I’ve been trying to be peaceful and calm the past month and trying not to let things bother me but some things just creep up and find their way to me and make me restless. But I’ve learnt to keep them at bay.
I hope you’re doing well, and when someone asks you how you’re doing, your “I’m fine” does not shelter a lie.
I genuinely hope you’re doing good. Don’t let people’s thoughts overlap yours. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. You deserve a valley of sunflowers under a blue sky :)))