The last few days have been a rollercoaster, not the exhilarating kind where you have a boost of adrenaline and feel at the top of the world, but the kind where you’ve had too much food and didn’t give it enough time to settle and now you’re going to barf your guts out.
I’ve never really talked ‘more’ about myself here. It was always poems or random updates or just something, that was a edited version of me but not the real me. If you get what I mean. Whenever I make a draft for a blog post it goes through hours of scrutiny till I finally hate it minimal enough to hit the ‘publish’ button.
But someday between my second and third coffee I realized, that I was filtering myself and not being completely me, and that somehow made me feel odd. If you were a psychology student, you’d know that this is called cognitive dissonance (a sense of being uncomfortable when your actions don’t match your attitude towards a particular thing, to put it in simpler words). So my mind just went, let’s tell this dissonance to pack it’s bags and go home.
So, I’ve had too much on my plate as usual, and that’s a good scenario only if I’m at a buffet and not metaphorically. Then suddenly it dawned upon me, that I didn’t have enough time to do all the things I wanted to, and all the said things were crucial so that I could reach the place in my life I wanted to be. Then it all went downhill from there. At godspeed.
These weeks included annihilation of my brain cells, self esteem, sleep schedule and tear ducts. I couldn’t prioritize my mental health over other responsibilities and I had constant breakdowns for consecutive days. To add to the catastrophe, I had an unnecessary amount of caffeine which acted as nothing less than a catalyst.
I was at rock bottom and I had lost the urge to swim back at the top. But then, things got better. They always do.
I took time out for myself and slept for 14 hours straight and went on a detox from all the things that were unknowingly hurting me. I watched The Big Bang Theory, did some self care, ate comfort food and healed myself gradually. It was so wonderful to breathe after being suffocated for a while.
Things get better. Even if you think they don’t, they’re going to. I hope you’re in a better place soon, if you’re not now. Don’t worry and just stay strong :)))